Daydream

Some places are part of our unconsciousness. Documentaries we saw when we were children, books we read, movies we watched, picture we admired or stories we heard. So when you find yourself in the middle of such a place, for real, a weird but pleasant feeling appears. Mix between reality and dream, surprise and déjà vu. I am walking in Afghanistan, watching a buzkashi game.

20 December 2013: Buzkashi riders in Mazar-e Sharif, Afghanistan

First shot

Each mission and travel has its first shot. Rarely the best, but I hope to do better (and with better gear), if the situation allows it. Wait and see...

14 December 2013: Mr. Haji Esa, carpet seller, Kunduz, Afghanistan

Winter packing

When you have spent the past 5 years working in Africa, moving to a country with four seasons is great. Except when you need to pack winter clothes (in addition to the usual food, books and photo gear)... Gosh, I already miss my light shoes and shirts.

03 December: Backstage at "Papy Glacé" theater show, Pully, Switzerland

Balade Parisienne

A few days in Paris and I am suddenly craving for street photography. Not sure my new mission in Afghanistan will give me that opportunity... but I hope to have the chance to shoot a few nice portraits.

21 November 2013: Café "Le Centenaire", Paris, France

Meanwhile, I'm getting rid of any form of gravity in my mind, listening to the new compilation by Bonobo and Late Night Tales.

21 November 2013: Exhibition "Un moment si doux" by Raymond Depardon, at the Grand Palais, Paris, France

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

In the past years, I have frequently thought about the notion of acceptance and coping mechanism. Not only on myself, to minimize the risk of turning completely nuts or burnt out, but also on the local population, dealing with insecurity and lack of stability over a long period of time. I frequently wondered how Darfuri women could still go fetching water, despite the risk of getting attacked, or how people could have a discussion with me and stay stoic, few hours after they lost their son or a relative.

Reading Malcom Gladwell’s latest book, David and Goliath (perfect summer reading), I found an interesting quote from Cambridge University psychologist J T. MacCurdy, about his experience being in London during the Blitz: “We are all of us not merely liable to fear, we are also prone to be afraid of being afraid, and the conquering of fear produces exhilaration.…When we have been afraid that we may panic in an air-raid, and, when it has happened, we have exhibited to others nothing but a calm exterior and we are now safe, the contrast between the previous apprehension and the present relief and feeling of security promotes a self-confidence that is the very father and mother of courage.”

01 November 2013: Reyes, at Hemingway's, Bangkok, Thailand

MacCurdy makes a distinction between people being directly killed, closed witness (near misses) and remote witness (remote misses). The “near misses” feel the blast, see the explosion and the carnage and are maybe even hit themselves. On the other end, the “remote misses” listen to the sirens, hear the explosions but are left uninjured and are not a direct eye witness of the carnage.

According the his studies, while the second group, the “near misses”, has to deal with a trauma and a psychological shock that might change his life for the worst, the “remote misses” might, in the contrary, develop a feeling of self-confidence, gaining in courage (explaining partially why the population of London did not flee town after the first attacks and even felt stronger). Although Gladwell goes even further and speak about a feeling of invincibility, I suspect a summarization a bit too extreme and I am not sure to agree on that, as I don’t consider that feeling invulnerable is something positive in a war zone. But I definitely think that what doesn’t kill us could make us stronger and that there is something to learn from the population of London during the war.

But right now, I need to keep my promise not to think about work and to just enjoy the swimming pool and the food ;-)

Back Home

Late evening in Bangkok. And this weird feeling of being back home.

03 November 2013: Bangkok at night, Thailand

Heading Back to Base

This is it. A glass of champagne in an Air France flight toward Paris and I'm suddenly realizing I'm out of Central African Republic (CAR). End of mission, end of twelve amazing, crazy and challenging months, pushing my personal and professional limits into new unknown territories, but bringing a surprisingly nice feeling of accomplishment. So much more could have been done though and so much more need to be done in a country just aspiring to peace and a bit of stability.

10 October 2013: Clothes drying under the sun, in Bossangoa, CAR

But despite the sadness, I know my job is done. Debriefing tomorrow and then a good break, before heading for another mission, another country and new limits to be pushed. But that's another story…On est ensemble!

20 June 2013: Messi, worker in Mboki, CAR

Normality

Normality is, by definition, relative. And with the arrival of my successor, I slowly start realizing that my year in Central African Republic is almost over. But I am also becoming fully aware that I won't be able to share that year, my work, with most of my friends and family, with "normal" people. How could I explain to them that my normality, my daily routine, sometimes has nothing to do with theirs?

A few people will understand, but the majority will either think that I am unconscious and naive, or a brave guy saving the world. Except that I'm neither of them. Our references, our perception of life, security or definition of common knowledge just became quite different over time. And there is nothing wrong with that.

08 October 2013: Displaced cooking in Bossangoa, Central African Republic

Sometimes, in extreme situations, you realize that normality is everything but universal. And that we all learn to cope with new situation, new surrounding. But are we all ready to leave our environment for something new? I have heard so many times people telling me that they would love to travel around the world, to work in Africa or to live far from their comfort zone. But what are they doing to realize that dream? What do you do to be yourself?

Geek Time

I was not a big Apple fan, far from it, but became one when I got my first iPod (nano 1G) and later started using a MacBook in 2007. Fantastic ergonomic coupled with a nice design and very intuitive to use (even for a big Windows XP user and geek).

I just purchased my 4th Mac (a MacBook Air 11") and like the previous one I owned, I have it most of the time with me. Amazing autonomy (up to 9 hours), great performances (faster that the previous one, with which I used to process all my pictures and even designed two books) and of course, incredibly thin and light.

Nothing new, for people knowing me, but what is, though, is that I have to recognize a certain lassitude lately. My MacBook Air is certainly still the best machine on the market in its category and Mountain Lion is amazingly stable and powerful. But I start seeing a clear lack of creativity. While google just provided a brand new easy-to-use gmail interface (sorting your mails for you), Apple still struggles to use the gmail flags properly and hasn't brought anything new in his Mail.app lately. And the upcoming new Mac OS shouldn't change anything neither.

The iPhone, that revolutionized the (smart)phone industry remains very expensive and starts lacking some serious innovation. iTunes still has bugs with iTunes Match (unloaded covers, weird albums grouping, …) and I fail to see a real interest for a fingerprints reader (which, by the way, already equipped my IBM laptop 7 years ago). Androide's phones certainly have tons of useless and unfinalized applications, but at least, Google is making some effort to bring new technologies.

I am ready to pay more, to get an outstanding customer service (Apple store and warranty), a great design (Macbook Air) or a fantastic ergonomic (Moutain Lion / Apple touchpad) but I am not ready to pay a fortune just to get a bigger phone and I worry when I realize that nothing, in the new Mac OS really interests me. Where are the new Time Machine, multi-fingers support or other spotlight functionalities? I understand that it takes time to design new products and to invent something really inovative. But in the past months/two years, Apple hasn't surprised me at all. Maybe NOW is the right time...

11 September 2013: Agaichatou, Naivasha, Kenya

Monkey's Connection

Someone just asked me if (and how) I have access to internet in the field. While I had a pretty good 3G internet connection in Darfur, internet in the South East of CAR is a rather rare and expensive resource. It is more or less either by BGAN (mobile solution, at 5$/MB) or by VSat (fixed installation, at about $1000/month), both using a satellite connection. Although I've been travelling lately with a BGAN for work, I can obviously only use it for professional and urgent matters (or it's gonna become a rather expensive Youtube video…). But if I have the chance to get access to another organisation's wifi, then it's X-Mas and I can load the news on my iPhone and read all the daily articles of the New York Times, which usually keep me busy for a while at night.

However, being isolated has some positive aspects too. You can learn how to cook a monkey, stop a colon of aggressive ants going out hunting or simply how to make sure a turtle doesn't flee before you start boiling it.

12 August 2013: Yes, after long researches, I finally found the last dinosaur, somewhere in the South-East of CAR

So, because it's always good to know it when you have annoying neighbours or a spoiled nephew: How to cook a monkey?

It's actually very simple: Find a monkey, kill it, throw it in a fire, carbonize it for a while, remove its hair, cut it in half, eviscerate it and chop it into pieces. Do NOT throw away its hands or head, it's supposed to be the best parts and it's a fantastic way to shock your vegan friends.Enjoy your meal!

Zero-G

When music isn't enough, photography has always proved to be my best bubble. Just focusing on the light, the subject, trying to reproduce the feeling or ambiance perceived, and enjoying it.

And all the rest doesn't exist anymore. What else?

20 June 2013: Papy, worker in Mboki, CAR, Africa

Insomnia

01 May 2013: Tess, portrait during an improvised photo-session for her new choreography

Thoughts in motion

My mind is clear and in control. My senses in alert. Are they coming? I quickly get dressed in the dark, hide my sat phone and close my bag. My movements are surprisingly precise. I can feel my heartbeat getting back to normal. I know what just happened. The screams stopped right after the detonation. I switch on my flashlight, point it towards my face and open the door.

***

The cold is biting my cheeks and my throat. I close my eyes, for a few seconds and feel the wind against my face. Alone, with just the sound of the snow against my skis, and my breath, as I'm pushing to maintain my speed and expel my rage. My thighs are burning as I empty my mind. I wish it were colder.

***

In the train, my head full of music and thoughts. I close my eyes and think about my veranda in Bangui and the rain. I smell the last book I just bought and instantly miss all the others. As I'm focusing on my breathing, my mind starts shifting and suddenly, I want to be swimming in a cold fjord, listening to my heartbeat.

I am ready now.

***

In Motion pt. 1 by The Cinematic Orchestra

10 April 2012: Switzerland

Bubble

Bonobo (Live in Merlin, Budapest) and my camera. Welcome back to my bubble.

12 February 2013: Inhabitant of Mboki using an ICRC manioc mill. Manioc is a very important element in the centrafrican diet and its preparation is everything but fast and easy

Silence

The sky is filled with stars and the night absolutely silent. Just a small, soft music, in my head.

Lots of meetings and discussions with interlocutors. Some sms. And a memory card in my pocket, containing some first official pictures to be processed.

The music gets lounder. 48 heartbeats/min.

Another night in Africa.

11 February 2013: Thanks to Alyona, for posing despite the bad light and lack of chair. Bangui, Central African Republic

Love, Smile and Two Flight tickets

- "I again spent the night with that guy. I really have a crush on him"

- "Is it why you look so tired? ... :-)"

- "No, I was just so afraid of telling him "I love you" while dreaming that I did not sleep at all"

- "Love is tough..."

Friendships sometimes lies in details. Not in the amount of emails exchanged or in the frequency of your phone calls. Sometimes, it's just about a story shared on skype, or a card sent from the other side of the world for Christmas.

Love lies in microscopic details...

14 January 2013: Sarah, Yaoundé, Cameroon. Thanks to her for the patience...

And if you think you are well settled, in your favorite leather sofa and clean apartment, without any motivation for going anywhere . Just watch this.

Challenge accepted...

Musicalement parlant in Yaounde

2nd weekend spent in Yaoundé, still waiting for my return ticket to the field. Weird situation, with one hemisphere at work and the other one on vacation, trying to kill time.

At least, it gives me some time to discover some local restaurants, bars and music clubs. No jazz or concert of Bonobo but a really interesting combination of styles, musics and attitudes on stage. It's just sad that my new portrait lens is not with me right now, but in a trunk somewhere in Bangui, hoping to be found again at my return ...

05 January 2013: Concert at Bois d'Ebène, Yaoundé, Cameroun

Happy New Year

New Year is supposedly a good time to think about what you've done in the past 12 months and what you're planning to do in the 12 following.

2012 has been an amazing year for me, spread between 3 continents and filled with great moments. Currently in Yaoundé (Cameroon), due to the ongoing tensions in CAR, I can not prevent myself from thinking about my last new year's eve, surrounded with great friends and to try to imagine where I will be in 12 months... I'm already looking forward to it.

I wish you all the best for 2013 and to follow and fulfill your dreams. And a particular though to my colleagues and friends based or living in Central African Republic or Darfur. I sincerely hope you will finally get the peace you deserve and have been seeking for so long now.

Take care, stay safe and have fun!

Ma-salaam

Picture from my assignment with the Achalay Fundation in Peru

In the bush no one can hear you laugh

A new episode of "Life is tough":

Having meetings with local representatives, including high rank officers, is sometimes a bit tricky and intimidating. Although I am now getting used to it and even started enjoying it, it can suddenly be very complicated to keep your nerves when you interlocutor welcomes you wearing his official pants, part of his uniform, and a… lady top (cartoon style).

Neither is it easy not to laugh when you get an official, but unexpected visit on Sunday, while watching an episode of the (excellent) series "New Girl" and still having the last joke in mind.

03 December 2012: Barthelemy, Zemio, Central African Republic

And for those still wondering, here is a new definition of love:

- My ex-girlfriend, the model, we had sex and it was just like… I was happy. You know? We were connected, I wasn't thinking about anything! What is that?

- That is love, you idiot!

- …

- [Whispering] That's love!!

- … Yeuuuuurk!!

- Yeah, it sucks!

- So do I have to be in love now, to have good sex?

Schmidt and his boss, while in bed. New Girl Season 2, Episode 9

CAR Anniversary

On the way back from the airport, I can not prevent myself from smiling, listening to Alpha Blondy's singing "You don't have the right to shoot the children". At the back of the land cruiser, a father and his daughter are trying to get used to each other again. Few minutes earlier, they embraced for the first time in two years, result of an incursion of the LRA in their house one night.

Later, watching a movie under a sky filled with stars, I feel relaxed and in peace. That was before I decided to apply some mosquito-repellant on my arms and hands and then went to the toilets, unfortunately in that order.

Life is tough… sometime.

01 December 2012: A group of local taxi drivers performing during the 54th anniversary of the independence of the Central African Republic, in Zemio, close to the border with Congo